I work from home as a freelancer and, man, it's pretty great. It's allowed me to be home with my son. It's allowed me to create my own hours. And it allows me to work from my living room sofa while still in my pajamas. So, yeah, pretty lucky. However, what freelancing does not allow is a sense of stability. There are times when I am flush with clients, working 10 hours a day and pulling my hair out, but great money was coming in and we were actually able to (oh my god what?!!?) SAVE!! Then there are times, like now, that clients are nowhere to be found and money is getting tight. My husband has a great job working as a district manager of a retail company, and he actually loves what he does, and I'm super happy for him and us. But we also live in Southern California and unless 1 spouse makes into the six figures, you won't be able to live comfortably here. We have goals and dreams and a kid with very expensive hobbies. This was 98% of the reason we only had 1 child. Money is a constant struggle for us. And we make GOOD MONEY. It's crazy but it's the world we live in. So I have to work and help bring in the skrilla and i'm really not bringing in the skrilla we need right now.
And what a time to not be bringing in the skrilla. Sheesh. My mother in law, sweet thing, gifted us a weekend in a very nice hotel in San Francisco as a Christmas present. It was a really sweet present and very thoughtful and lovely. What she didnt know is that we are struggling financially at the moment so booking us a hotel in San Francisco 4 weeks after Christmas was not ideal for us. On top of worrying about paying our bills, we had to worry about scraping together a little chunk of money to get to San Francisco, eat, show our kid around the city, etc. We ended up having a great time and, what the heck, I even allowed a family picture or two to be taken. WITH ME IN IT. God bless FaceTune.
Now we are worrying about my son's birthday, coming up in early March. He'll be 7 and wants a party with friends at a local indoor playground. I looked up party prices and it's actually pretty doable if we keep the size of the party small. And they will allow me to bring in outside food for a fee of $10, so I might be able to save some $$ that way.
Anyway, oy, yes blah blah money struggles forever. I know most people reading this can relate. And if you can't, dang, well count yourself blessed. I stress alot about money. We both do, my husband and I. My husband is the king of all stressers. If stressing were an Olympic sport, my husband would yadda yadda yadda. You know how it goes. But you know what is so funny about my husband? He stresses so much, but then sleeps like a baby at night. Like, OUT. Me? If i'm stressed I don't sleep. AT MOST 4 hours a night, if I'm lucky. Than I wake up all groggy and feeling just BLEH and my only comfort is food. Lots of food. Sweets. Bread. Bowls of cereal. Binge binge binge. I don't even think about it. There comes a point when I am just so sick of the anxiety and lack of sleep and I can see my husband is struggling too and I just simply start eating and I don't stop until I am physically ill.
This time around, however, i've been able to keep the binge eating at bay. Ive been eating a bit more than I should be, portion-wise. But I am sticking to healthy, low carb foods. No sugar. No bread. No bowls of cereal. My husband and I have gone through bags of string cheese and mixed nuts and salami on our late-night TV binges.
I jumped on the scale this morning and am down again, 231. Super happy although I'm trying not to jump on the scale. I'm trying to just keep going and work and be with my kid and hang out with my husband and not obsess about my weight 24/7. But then, ya know, I dont know...I think it's okay to kinda obsess with my weight and my health and what I look like. I've spent so much of my life hiding from myself and I'm kinda done with that now.
Anyway, yadda yadda yadda. Hope you guys are all okay :)
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